My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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