my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
