Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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