That's intense
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
