So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
