i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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