..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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