I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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