Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
