cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im holly from the hills drunk
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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