That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
