I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
