I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
