That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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