Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
