It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
