You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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