Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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