I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My first STD was from a foam party
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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