I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
