We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
