why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
