The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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