i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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