i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
