That's when you crack a 10am beer
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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