I'm really into asian looking animals
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The best revenge is premature balding
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I lost the right to judge tonight
All I want is dick and wine.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
