im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
