just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
