Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
