she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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