Whatcha textin bout Willis?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
