I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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