could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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