I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
