I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
