I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
