He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
