Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm passing your future prison.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
