Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
