I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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