just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
