It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
