there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
