this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize