guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
