ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
