fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
