cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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