Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
