I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
