I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
