The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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