We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
