I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
