She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Be still, my beating vagina.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
