You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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