I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
