just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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