You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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