if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
