her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
