Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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