You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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