a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
her vagine was all disorganized.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
