he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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