their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
