I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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