remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
